Say Hi to Jesus For Me, children with cancer, chemotherapy

"Say Hi to Jesus For Me": Chapter 4
The doctors said Todd would have to have chemotherapy for at least two years after all absence of disease. I was sure no more cancer would ever be found. It had been a close call, but we had placed Todd in God’s hands, and God had given him back to us. Praise the Lord! Now I wanted to get on with the business of living. I was quite annoyed with the doctors for insisting on the Chemotherapy. But there was nothing I would or could do about it. At least the injections were scheduled for only one week out of every two months.
The first clinic visit after Todd’s discharge was for chemotherapy only. Todd screamed and kicked, trying to fight off the nurses who had to give the shot. I felt like explaining, "You don’t understand. He has cancer. He has been through a lot. Please be patient with him." I thought we were the only ones with that problem.
But the nurse had worked there many years, and she had been through this countless times. She knew this was just the first of many times for us. When we left, she asked that Todd wear slippers or soft shoes the next time. He had hurt her, kicking her with his street shoes.
I was eager to get Todd to a Kathryn Kuhlman miracle service. At each service I had attended, I’d felt the Lord so near, and I’d cried for joy with those who received healing. I longed to stand again in the crowds with my arms uplifted, singing: "Hallelujah!"
Dutch agreed that we could take Todd to a miracle service, but it was against he wishes. At that time he had not yet met his Lord, even though he had always seemed to be the "religious" one in the family. I felt that I was blamed that we hadn’t gone to church for some years.
To get into the auditorium for an afternoon service, people started forming a line as early as 6:00 A.M. We usually tried to get there no later than 8:30 or 9:00 A.M.
Todd was still in pain from the surgery. To get to his kidney, the doctors had had to temporarily push aside intestines, and that was still causing him pain. We did not think he could stand to wait in line so many hours.
We called the woman who chartered the bus to take people from our area to the service. Demand was so great that usually all seats were spoken for weeks ahead of time. But we explained our situation to her, and she somehow was able to get us two seats on the next bus. Todd would have to sit on our laps.
After the bus ride and the long wait in line, Todd was tired and in pain again. Dutch had to carry Todd to keep up with the rushing crowd. Someone told the usher. He said he would watch over Todd for any sign of the power of God upon him.
I came full of hope. I had witnessed so many wonderful healings. In reading the Gospels, I knew that Jesus healed then, and since he is the same yesterday, today and forever, I knew that He healed today.
"Here is my boy, Lord. He is yours, too. His body is broken. Make him whole, please. Make his scar from surgery disappear so the doctors will know that a miracle has happened. I don’t ever want him to have to have any more of that chemotherapy. Thy will be done, Lord, on earth as it is in heaven."
We finally gave Todd some Tylenol for pain. After a while he went to sleep and started to perspire heavily. We were all so preoccupied with Todd, we gave no thought to the service, or to God for that matter. Dutch was annoyed and I was anxious.
I knew nothing was impossible for God. He had made us, so He certainly could fix us when we were broken. But would He do it for Todd?
Besides hoping for healing, I was also eager for Dutch to like the service. I wanted him to feel the joy and closeness to the Lord that I felt.
Todd woke up and was entirely pain-free for the first time that day. The ushers encouraged us to step out in the hall to see if anything had happened. But Todd was so tired of our fussing over him, he stepped into a phone booth, closed the door, and refused to come out until we left him alone.
Dutch decided it was time to go home. I was so disappointed! Everything had gone wrong!
Oh, I knew that Todd was healed. Of course he was. But I needed proof.
The doctors had said that because Todd’s tumor was encapsulated and the adjacent lymph nodes were "clean", there was a 90% chance Todd would be all right. I wanted God to finish the job, to make it 100%, to throw in a new kidney and remove the scar. I just could not face two years of chemotherapy. I wanted proof of healing for the doctors. I thought then that they were in conflict with God’s purpose. Later I saw that the doctors were instruments of God.
Todd continued to recover. Soon he was back in school, having a good time. I was still frustrated by the lack of proof of his healing. Yet I was confident that all would be well.
The next time we took Todd to a miracle service, he was feeling fine. Again I prayed for healing, but this time I was absorbed in singing praises to God from the depth of my heart. Thousands of us stood singing "Hallelujah!" What greater gift could I ask for?
Miss Kuhlman often said that more important than physical healing was spiritual healing. My usual response to that was: "Nuts! What can be more important than to be able to walk again after spending years in a wheelchair, than receiving sight after having been blind, than hearing after having been deaf, than speaking after having been mute?"
But here was Todd, oblivious to his surroundings, praising God. Suddenly I knew what Kathryn had been talking about.
I was growing in the Lord every day, learning to love him more and more. But the more I grew, the more concerned I was that Dutch did not know the Lord the way I knew him.
We had joined a church a few months earlier because we felt it was "the thing to do" to bring the children up right. I assumed that everything was all right now that we belonged, but I kept wondering why the pastor singled me out during all the sermons. Why was he directing his words at me?
I had always tried to be good, striving to live by the Golden Rule. At night sleep wouldn’t come unless I prayed the German equivalent of "Now I lay me down to sleep". I had been baptized and confirmed and raised in a Christian family. No one was more right with God than I was.
But finally the words Jesus spoke, recorded in the Bible, created in my heart a longing to know Him better.
One day at a Bible study I interrupted the discussion: "That’s right! Salvation is a free gift of God. There is nothing you can do to earn it. You must simply accept it from Jesus".
The coin had dropped. I understood.
That afternoon I dreamed that Jesus had taken me high in the air in what seemed to be a translucent bubble. He showed me the whole world and said: "It’s all yours. It’s my gift to you".
After that I had such peace and inner joy. Many times Dutch caught me smiling and deep in thought. "What are you smiling about?"
Until that time I had been on a daily dose of Valium. Some days I had felt so "calm" that I couldn’t drive a car. Other days I just spent crying. So Dutch didn’t know what to think of his new, smiling wife. "What are you smiling about?"
"Oh, I just can’t help it. All I can think about is Jesus", I answered. The longing in my heart was fulfilled.
I couldn’t help but feel, though, that Dutch did not know the Lord the way that I did now. One day I told him so. "You are not a Christian. Just because you went to church most of your life, and even taught Sunday school, does not mean you’re a Christian. The Bible says you have to be born again, and I don’t think you have been. Tell me, if you died today, do you know for sure that you’d go to heaven? And what are you going to cite as reasons for Him letting you in?"
If I wanted to fight, this was a good way to start. "I’m not that bad, you know", he growled. But it did give him food for thought. I began to pray for him, and his salvation. I had visions of how I would fall on my knees in front of everyone when the day came on which Dutch asked Jesus to be Lord of his life. I left his car radio tuned to a religious radio station, hoping he would listen; left Christian books lying around, hoping he would read them; dropped every hint I could, and asked others to pray for him also.
He only sank into deeper depression. Todd’s medical bills were piling up. We had good insurance, but the small expenses were accumulating, along with the costs of eating out and all the extra things that went with hospitalization. Dutch was back and forth to the hospital all the time, so his work suffered. And, of course, his thoughts were with Todd.
He had many nightmares. One night he woke me and asked me to stay up with him. He said he was tempted to commit suicide. He felt as if God and Satan were fighting over him and he was being torn apart between them. I asked him to accept Jesus into his life. He said he couldn’t, that he didn’t know how and didn’t understand what it would mean.
In the end, all my efforts to win Dutch to the Lord made less of and impression on him than two simple changes in my life. First, I was off tranquilizers. Second, I made the commitment to him that as head of our house he would have the last word from now on. He could hardly get over that. "It took a lot of guts for you to say that."
Jesus said, "If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed". "Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (KJV). Dutch saw that I was a new creature in Christ and He longed to know Jesus as I knew Him.
One day when I was at he hospital with Todd, Dutch called. His voice sounded different -- all choked up, but in a joyful way. He said he had a wonderful surprise for me, but he couldn’t tell me until he got to the hospital.
When he arrived, he said he hadn’t been able to sleep again the night before. He’d picked up Pat Boone’s book, A New Song, which just happened to be on his nightstand. As he read, his eyes were opened. Pat introduced him to he reality of Jesus and the Holy Spirit as a person. He fell on his knees by his bed and opened his heart to Christ.
While he was on his knees, Niqua wandered into the room. "Daddy! What are you doing?"
"I’m praying!" Tears were running down his cheeks.
Dutch spent the rest of the day visiting our pastor and friends, to tell them of his new birth. I was so happy! Praise the Lord!